My Other Saggers...

My Super Girl, Desiree. She's amazing...the daughter I always knew I wanted but never thought I'd have.

My Big Guy, Dominic. He has made me a stronger parent. He's a bit crazy, but he's 3 so it's all uphill from here right? He'll probably play Football or UFC something peaceful like that.

Soccer and College. College and Soccer.

When my son was 5 I decided to sign him up for our local rec.soccer team. To this day I feel it was one of the smartest decisions I ever made. That's my kids up there in those pics. They are all from one tournament but damn, he's THAT good. It's not that I believe he will be professional soccer player but he WILL play for college...I said it..COLLEGE...he will go.

The other day he told me that he's moving out I asked him where he was going and he replied " I am moving out when I graduate and I am going away to college" I wanted to cry. Not because he's moving out but because he talks about going to college. Not about moving in with his girlfriend (that's another post in the making) or moving in with his dad to fuck around over there...but going away. I live near a state college and even if he moves in an apartment there with some friends and goes to the state college I will be proud of him.

Maybe ya'll are thinking I have low expectations but you see, I never did that. I never spoke of going to college, I knew I couldn't...yes, that's what I believed in high school...I couldn't.

I remember in my Junior year we were asked about our future plans and I checked the "Undecided" option what the hell is that...that should NOT be an option. So again, when my son was 5 I started to try an plan for him not to EVER have to choose the "UNDECIDED" box. It's not that he knows exactly who or what he wants to be at this point..he's 15 and hormonal and crazy..right? BUT he has a passion for something... which means he knows what it means to learn a skill, learn about a different world, to be in love for something all your own and then to meet people who are like you...with that comes direction, belonging and acceptance and I believe with that foundation you have strength and courage and the capability to do SOMETHING. Go to college. Get an education and have a future. Not that it always works out that way but for damn sure it's more promising.

The Back Story...

I am 33. I have a 15 year old. Yes, I was much too young when I had him.
When I got myself knocked up my first thought was to have an abortion. Then I started thinking about how I can make this work. I figured my boyfriend and I would work it out, I mean surely the love of a baby will fix any disfunctional up relationship right?
I finally told my boyfriend after I was about 2 months along. Then my boyfriends mom told my mom. That was a low, low point in my life. I broke my mom's heart . It was the ONLY time I have ever heard my mom say the "F" word. Specifically..."Everything is fucked up NOW!!" My dad didn't speak with me for a few months and my sister told me not expect anyone to help me raise him, especially not his dad. I didn't want to believe her but she was right, for the most part, about his dad that is.

So here I am 15 years later and yes, I parented for YEARS with out his dad and still am to a certain extent. My mom loves him ( I think he's the favorite LOL) and my dad adores him.  I have a good, great, loving, smart boy I am realizing that parenting a teen is a completely different ball game. He's a mini-adult with strong opinions and he needs to be and FEEL loved and given freedoms and have strict boundaries all at the same time. It's juggling and sometimes I drop all the balls at once and that sucks!
So thanks for watching my juggling act. I will try and keep you entertained as much as possible. Hopefully with more sweet successes than bitter failures. Before you go... Here's a picture of us...