As you know we've gone to counseling with my son on a few occasions. I have been talking to him a bit more lately. He sounds as if he misses us. His tone is different, he's not so distant. In the last session Cathy (our counselor) explained to him that there is a law in the bible about honoring and respecting your mother and father. If you do so, you will have a good life. If you don't, you will have a challenged life. She explained to him that she see's evidence of it all the time through the ones that go to her for help. She asked him if he felt as if he's dishonored or disrespected us and he said "yes". She asked if he's able to take responsibility for his part in this situation. He asked how, and she said by apologizing. He said he wasn't ready to apologize and that he wanted to do it in private.
She explained to him that no matter what type of relationship we are in whether it be a co-worker, a boss, a friend or a spouse it is a very important ability to be able to acknowledge and take responsibility for his part of the situations in his life. She told him that that it would be wise of him to learn how to do this at a young age. She said he will have to do this many times in his adult life.
I think it's great that she focused on this subject. Apologizing with real acceptance of how you have hurt someone...not sugar coating or being fake or sarcastic or doing it to placate someone. How many times can you count where someone hasn't really apologized. I am at fault for it too. Trust me it came back at me. I have learned throughout my life how important it is to sincerely apologize, to dig deep and find what you've done wrong and validate someone's hurt heart. It's invaluable. To me, that is real love to be able to say I know I've done wrong...and I'm sorry for XYZ....your important to me and so are your feelings.
We have also told Alexander if he feels dishonored or disrespected to tell us. So we can talk about it and get through it together. He is a person just as we are and just because he is a still a child it does not mean that his feelings matter less. In fact they matter more, much more than ours.
We are getting together next week so we can have that private heart to heart. I have faith that it will go well and we can begin our new chapter with him again.
Much Love,
Tracy
