Coming back ...STRONG.

Since I have last posted so much has happened, which I can't fully discuss right now. Simply because it's too much and it's too hard to put into words. I am in a different space these days.

My husband works a lot! I feel like I am single mom right now. It's hard and I am tired. Thankfully yet sadly when my husband comes home from a 12 hour work day, he does the laundry and cleans up as much as possible...he's a hard working man and I have so much respect for him. I feel as if we haven't spent much time together in a while. I miss him. We need a weekend without the kids. Enter issue #2

Dominic is sick with the stomach flu. So the thought of my kids going anywhere, anytime soon is out of the question. My poor guy. I hate seeing him this way.

I also hate cleaning up the throw up. I pray he's better soon. I also pray that it doesn't spread around the house.

I am loving photos. It's only way to describe my next issue (#3). Which is what's going on with my man-boy...

Dear Parents...think LONG and HARD before you buy your child a cell phone ( I must say I did NOT buy him the first cell phone or any of the above, his dad did without my consent...UGH). The top phone is his latest indiscretion (he's been grounded from cell phones and any personal electronic device where he's allowed outside contact with that world out there). That will be dealt with today after school. YAY for me!

Yeah, I think once he graduates high school I will have enough to go into a resale business.

Anyhow, all the above along with my personal, intense family issues I was struggling. Yesterday was the first day of lent. I haven't been to church in a few months. I have been to their functions but I haven't heard the Word in a long time. I went on Ash Wednesday and I cried so hard. It felt so healthy, I felt lifted. It's what I needed. It's what I need. I typically do not give up anything for lent. I study and strengthen my relationship with God. I teach my children to do that also. With all my struggles, my marriage, my children, my family. I, for the first time, have given them all to God. That's why I cried. For this year, I have given up something. I have given up the control over my life. I am here to live by my faith.  With all this going on, I feel STRONG. Even in my weakest moments, I have God.

Behavior Modification 101

 The pick ups are going well since the day I made my man-boy  walk a couple blocks.  I give him 4 minutes to get to the car. It's working.

Dominic still sleeps in our bed. I do not sleep anymore, he takes up all my space. The more my kids verbalize themselves the more space I need . I need sleep. I miss my husband.

Last night was the first night where we explained to Dominic that he is going to sleep in "his own bed". He said "yeah, I want to sleep in "your own bed" "No, YOUR own bed, son". So he woke up around 1am and stood out there in the hallway with all of his accompaniments (3 felines of some sort, two hot wheels, and his lovey) whining a little, I walked him back to his bed and tried to encourage him to lay down. After 15 mins. he wore me out.

So, I woke Richard up and said "it's your turn, go put Dominic to bed" He got up, picked up Dominic and put him in "OUR OWN BED!?!"  I was like (in my head) "Dude, WTF?" . He turned around and fell asleep. This morning he did NOT remember how he single handedly sabotaged our fail proof plan. He said "tonight, babe. I'll do it tonight. I promise."

I foresee another night of "Three's Company".

My Man-boy

he's got a girlfriend. Her name is Jean. Super cute and a junior. He spends about 20-30 after school with her everyday because I have to pick Desiree up first. When I get to his school I expect him to be waiting for me. Today ( along with a few other days lately) I have had to wait for him, between 5-10 minutes. Today, after calling him to let him know that I was there and waiting for 5 minutes. I decided to leave. I drove across the street and up a block. He called looking for me. I told him that I am NOT his personal driver and he should be waiting for me when I get there. He walked out of the school, acting cool like he didn't see me. So I pulled off and drove up an other block. These are not typical blocks. They are along a busy 4 lane street. He had to walk to ME. Yeah I am on a roll here people. Taking my mom-hood back  I'll let you know how the next pick up works out.

Soccer and College. College and Soccer.

When my son was 5 I decided to sign him up for our local rec.soccer team. To this day I feel it was one of the smartest decisions I ever made. That's my kids up there in those pics. They are all from one tournament but damn, he's THAT good. It's not that I believe he will be professional soccer player but he WILL play for college...I said it..COLLEGE...he will go.

The other day he told me that he's moving out I asked him where he was going and he replied " I am moving out when I graduate and I am going away to college" I wanted to cry. Not because he's moving out but because he talks about going to college. Not about moving in with his girlfriend (that's another post in the making) or moving in with his dad to fuck around over there...but going away. I live near a state college and even if he moves in an apartment there with some friends and goes to the state college I will be proud of him.

Maybe ya'll are thinking I have low expectations but you see, I never did that. I never spoke of going to college, I knew I couldn't...yes, that's what I believed in high school...I couldn't.

I remember in my Junior year we were asked about our future plans and I checked the "Undecided" option what the hell is that...that should NOT be an option. So again, when my son was 5 I started to try an plan for him not to EVER have to choose the "UNDECIDED" box. It's not that he knows exactly who or what he wants to be at this point..he's 15 and hormonal and crazy..right? BUT he has a passion for something... which means he knows what it means to learn a skill, learn about a different world, to be in love for something all your own and then to meet people who are like you...with that comes direction, belonging and acceptance and I believe with that foundation you have strength and courage and the capability to do SOMETHING. Go to college. Get an education and have a future. Not that it always works out that way but for damn sure it's more promising.

The Back Story...

I am 33. I have a 15 year old. Yes, I was much too young when I had him.
When I got myself knocked up my first thought was to have an abortion. Then I started thinking about how I can make this work. I figured my boyfriend and I would work it out, I mean surely the love of a baby will fix any disfunctional up relationship right?
I finally told my boyfriend after I was about 2 months along. Then my boyfriends mom told my mom. That was a low, low point in my life. I broke my mom's heart . It was the ONLY time I have ever heard my mom say the "F" word. Specifically..."Everything is fucked up NOW!!" My dad didn't speak with me for a few months and my sister told me not expect anyone to help me raise him, especially not his dad. I didn't want to believe her but she was right, for the most part, about his dad that is.

So here I am 15 years later and yes, I parented for YEARS with out his dad and still am to a certain extent. My mom loves him ( I think he's the favorite LOL) and my dad adores him.  I have a good, great, loving, smart boy I am realizing that parenting a teen is a completely different ball game. He's a mini-adult with strong opinions and he needs to be and FEEL loved and given freedoms and have strict boundaries all at the same time. It's juggling and sometimes I drop all the balls at once and that sucks!
So thanks for watching my juggling act. I will try and keep you entertained as much as possible. Hopefully with more sweet successes than bitter failures. Before you go... Here's a picture of us...